ASSURANCE
Deep dive into human emotions and mind through excerpts from Family Constellation therapy cases : How lack of assurance led to heart disease and how therapies helped a client to get insight and heal.
by Komal Agarwal
“I will be there for you”
“I will not leave you”
Or “I love you”
when these words are spoken, it is a commitment from one person to another, giving assurance.
Assurance of?
That there will always be someone to accompany you in life and you will not be left alone. Why do we need this assurance?
The biggest need for human being is survival which is reason to exist as a human. From the time we were conceived as a child, we got used to being dependent on our parents for our survival and later as we grow up this dependency gets transferred to other close loved ones, our partner and children. If any of close circle relationships leave us or doesn’t fulfil our needs our survival feels threatened, we go in a state of shock and close ourselves. We land up saying you ‘let me down’ or you ‘betrayed’ me, I was dependent on you. We go in a state of shock, stop trusting and close our heart to receive love.
But whose weakness or expectation is leading to pain?
It is our dependency or attachment for survival with the person.
The way human development years are structured, as the child grows it learns to step down from parents lap and starts walking on its own..however the child keeps looking back towards the parents to feel assured. Assured that if something goes wrong the parents will take care. In the growing years if the parents become over-protective or careless, child’s trust and belief in self and others gets affected. The child feels threatened about its survival. If over-protective then the child will feel scared to be independent and will always need emotional dependency and if careless then the child will feel scared to trust others and open self, to give and receive love.
The way human development years are structured, as the child grows it learns to step down from parents lap and starts walking on its own..however the child keeps looking back towards the parents to feel assured. Assured that if something goes wrong the parents will take care. In the growing years if the parents become over-protective or careless, child’s trust and belief in self and others gets affected. The child feels threatened about its survival. If over-protective then the child will feel scared to be independent and will always need emotional dependency and if careless then the child will feel scared to trust others and open self, to give and receive love.
Recently, a case came to me where the client has heart ailment, only 33% of the heart functions. The client is in late twenties and the ailment developed two years back. The constellations revealed, the client was a pre-mature baby, as a result on one hand receiving from the mother is not complete..hence there is still attachment and over-dependency to feel assured that she will be taken care of and will survive. On other hand father was strict and never expressed love and concern or support to mother or child. As a result the client closed her heart towards the father to receive love.
As a result the heart is not that strong, half of it is shut towards the father while the rest is not strong enough to be emotionally independent and leave the mother. Now, to heal her heart two things were set right in the therapy...on one side the client got an insight about her fear to leave mother’s lap and survive on her own, she was made to gather courage and belief to survive on her own without support, self-fulfilment or self-assurance while on other hand she got an insight about why the father is the way he is, what is his history of emotions....why was he unable to express...how client’s own expectation was making her look at the father differently...the therapies made her resolve her relationship with the father and made part of her heart which was blocked to open and receive love from him. The client has already started showing improvements in her health and emotional state of being.
Such family dynamics can be understood and healed through family constellation therapies.
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